dont know why

can't wait to be with my pa again, before he left we decided to have space to make things clear for us.... i thought i was going to lose all the feelings i have for him but surprisingly, i realized i love him....really love him soooo much.... its good we didn't lose such connections... ang tyaga rin nya saken with all my tantrums.... nakatulong ung cool off namen kasi napatunayan ko lang na ganun pa rin cya, hindi pa rin cya bumibitaw.... hays, cant wait for january.sana nga mas mapaaga...december sana. =)  masarap na pamasko na un saken. =)

pangarap kong body.... oouuuhhh........

salamat kay moks sa inspirasyon hahahahaha
bagay pala saken ang payat

FRIENDSHIP FOR ME

Friendship
From Wikipedia

Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

* the tendency to desire what is best for the other
* sympathy and empathy
* honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
* mutual understanding

In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.

--anu nga ba ang isang kaibigan? sa edad ko ngayon 24, masasabi ko na napakarami ko ng ibat ibang klase ng tao na nakasalamuha, naging kaibigan ko halos..( to be continued)

The Perfect Girlfriend

What is a perfect girlfriend

They say there's no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn't exist. Oh trust me, she does.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste.

You call her insecure.

She holds on to you like she's never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she's lucky that she has you, and no, you're not available.
You call her clingy.

She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there's nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls babe just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed.

You call her shallow and jealous.

She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you're not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that's how much she cares.

You say she's nagging.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU.

You call her overly sensitive and emotional.

She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn't like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away.

You call her dramatic and annoying.

So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl.
She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her

the perfect boyfriend!

got it from cj.... we're the perfect gf and we will find the perfect boyfriend soonishh!!!

unexpected

Sa kantang ito nagsimula ang pagiging malapit ko sa isang katrabaho that sooner became a friend. Tinanong nya kung sino ang kumanta ng kantang yon. Doon nagsimula na makilala ko cya, ang boss ko na kahit minsan hindi ipinaramdam sa amen na nakatataas cya. Hindi ko rin alam pano ung pinakasimula paano kame naging malapit sa isat isa pero nagising na lang kame isang araw na ayun na, may mga bagay na cyang naioopen saken at ako rin sa kanya. At natawa pa ko isang araw ng minsang naguusap kame sa phone at pinaguusapan namen ang kategorya ng pagkakaibigan base sa level at katumbas na kahulugan nito na sinulat ng isang kaibigan nya at tinanong nya ko kung “tayo? Anu na ba tayo?” Acquaintance? I just smiled and said teka ate titingnan ko, tpos naputol ung usap at tinext ko na lang sa kanya sabi ko ate friends na pala tayo. Tpos binasa ko sa kanya ang definition sabi nya oo nga noh friends na pala tayo.. at ng sandaling iyon napaisip ako na dati nakakasalubong ko lang cya, iniiwasan ng tingin at ni hindi man lang kinakausap, pero ngayon kaibigan ko na cya, napangiti ako at nagpasalamat sa nasa Itaas. Hindi ko rin akalain na isa cya sa magiging pinakamalapit ko sa mga tao sa kompanya kung saan ako nagsimula, kung saan ako ay bumalik at ngayon muli kong lilisanin dahil sa pangpersonal na kadahilanan.
Marami akong mamimiss sa taong to. Marami syang katangian na mamahalin mo at aabangan mo sa araw araw na magkakasama kayo tulad na lang ng mga kengkoy nyang hirit at ang tawa nya na nakakahawa kaya kahit mababaw lang matatawa ka ng sobra dahil madadala ka sa tawa nya at ngiti na halos parang pikit na ang mata nya pag humahagikgik. Hindi ko rin makakalimutan ang mga iyak nya na pag tumutulo na un at nanghihina na cya kakaiyak, napakasarap nya yakapin dahil para cyang bata na iiyak sa balikat mo at tpos hahalikan mo sa noo at sasabihin tama na yan ate..ganun cguro tlga….hayaan na naten un, stuffs like that…. At ang pinakamamimiss ko ang paghanap sa saken at pagtawag sa pangalan ko at sasabihin nya “hoy alam mo ba nakakainis ung kaibigan ko” at ang hindi ko makakalimutan ung pumunta sya sa pwesto ko sa disso at nagshare ng kung anu ang nasa dibdib nya at maya maya hahawak na cya sa gilid ng mata nya at sasabihin hay bakit naiiyak nanaman ako?! Ok na ko eh! Pag ganun, yayakapin ko lang cya at sasabihin ko, ayan ka nanaman naluluka ka nanaman… napakasarap nya maging kaibigan, maging kapatid, maging mommy at maging kabiruan dahil maloloka ka pag naging kaibigan mo ang taong ito.

Maraming hindi nakakakilala pa sa kanya kahit ung mga matagal na nyang kakilala o kabatian hindi pa cguro kilala kung sino talaga c “che-che, chi, chiharo” at kung anuman ang tawag sa kanya. Marami ang nakakamisjudge sa kanya, hindi nakikita ang kabutihan na meron cya, na kahit anumang sungit ni madam chiharo, pusong mammon pa rin yan. Hindi nila kilala ung tunay na ate chi. Sana maging example na lang ako, ako na iniisnab ni ate chi date eh ngayon tingnan ko lang kung isnabin ako ng bruhilda. Sa aking paglisan, sana magkaron ng pagkakataon ung iba na maging malapit sayo at makilala mo sila at kilalanin ka nila hindi bilang supervisor pero bilang isang tao na humihinga, may pakiramdam at may puso para iwelcome pa ang mga tao at bigyan sila ng puwang sa puso mo. Siguro akala nyo masungit cya pero jan kayo nagkamali, napakasungit nya tlga hehehe peace! Wish ko ate na makilala ka pa ng mga tao sa pascual at mahalin ka rin nila kung paano kita minahal at naging kaibigan. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang masasayang times naten jan ang mga tawanan na masakit sa tyan, ang katakawan mayat maya, ang kalanturan naten na bawal imention at ang magandang pagkakaibigan na sana kahit hidi na tayo araw araw magkita, manatili tayong maging magkaibigan sa puso…. Magkikita pa tayo…. Hindi ito ang katapusan ng pagkakaibigan naten (ayan naiiyak na ko ), hindi dito natatapos, ipagpapatuloy pa naten hanggang sa umabot na nga tayo sa ibang level ng friendship kasi gusto pa kita makilala, at gusto ko maging isa dun sa susunod na level ng friends na sabi mo wala ka pa….
Kung may problema ka, tulad ng date, nandito lang ako palagi. Palagi kayo magiingat ni rain at ni mama… babaunin ko ang pagkakaibigan naten san man ako mapunta…. I love you ate chi

my man

It was Lenten season when I realized that I’m falling for the man who was courting me and giving me such attention for quite some time. It felt dissimilar to the previous ones. At first it was surreal and then finally at Easter Sunday he asked me that question most girls would want to hear, as ordinary as it could be it was just simple, he held me and said, I love you…. He stands still and waited for my answer, but in a while I didn’t say a single word and he spoke again, do u love me too? I looked into his eyes, and in the top of my heartbeat I said, yes, I love you too…. He hugged me tight like he wouldn’t wanna let me go. He kissed me the sweetest one he could give. We could feel our heart’s sincerity of saying our true feelings for each other. It was April 16 of 2006, the happiest day so far in my life. After two weeks of being together, he had to go. It was my first time to go with him in the airport for his departure. It seemed like He took off my two legs, it was the longest nights of my life that I cry to sleep, I drink everyday to be drunk and avoid feeling the pain of missing him every night. It was the longest days I had in my entire life. He kept calling the first months he’s away to lessen my sadness, and everyday he writes me a letter through my email. Gradually I’m learning to get to my own without him. He never failed to give me advice and food for thoughts for me to hang on, live life and succeed to it, and he never failed to remind me how much he misses me everyday and how much he loves me more and more each day. Without noticing, days flew fast. And one day he surprised me a phone call saying he will be going home soon, he gave me the time and date of his flight back home, knowing it, it was the same waiting, long time waiting. Every hour, I look at my clock and every minute makes me more exited. And when its time to meet again, I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me again. The man I dream of seeing everyday, of being with everyday, the man I wanted to kiss everyday and the man I would wanna say I love you each moment I’m with him is right in front of me again. Initial reaction? Shocked! And then I came to my senses hugged him and kissed him but still feeling in cloud 9! I could remember how many times I stared at his face and touch it, whispering…. I’ve been waiting for you and I’m glad you are finally here! All day, all night, we spend the day updating on each other. In all problems, we’re there for each other. Of course lovers quarrel takes at the scene but every trial just makes us stronger. It was our first year of being together.
Then the routine of him leaving just takes place. Emails, calls etc. But it seems every relationship has its own rocky road to take. But even challenges come our way we never did lose our respect for each other; hence, we chose to take it silently. But eventually up to the third year of our relationship, we haven’t noticed that our love is getting weak already because we don’t speak out sometimes, with the aim of not hurting each others feelings what we built is a wall that makes me hate him in some ways and maybe him too. I came to the point where I spoke to him about all the hurts I’ve been through with our relationship and I asked him repeatedly why we ended this way. The way both of us wouldn’t wanna happen. I told him everything my heart wants to express. This time he understood me and he agreed to my proposal that we give each other space and distance for awhile. But maybe because we still feel the love for each other, we didn’t stop seeing each other and still do the things we used to do. We agreed on an open relationship when he leave but before he left I could remember how he sang to my ears his song for me, “Lover’s Moon” and how he said I love you…. And until now I could feel our last kiss.
Now, I don’t know what our status is. We still care about each other, he still calls, he still sends me letters but it’s not that often. Just enough letters and calls to let me know that he’s still there.
This is our story and I hope it doesn’t end here. I’m still here waiting for his come back. Even other temptation come around, I know in my heart that there is only one person I love. My One Great Love, My Pa….
Looking forward for December or January, he’s coming home again. I hope and pray we could fix what was broken and we could revive our love for each other. ---punky signing off –13:27H 090609

i love the way that you love me is our original theme song.........

if i have three wishes, it would be ME, YOU AND US.....

Secret Love
One thought said that everyone has a secret love. It may be synonymous to one great love because this love always ends up with sacrifice. Only a number of secret loves comes to a happily ever after ending and mostly this love, because of the sacrifice it has to give, it ends up with loving apart, loving silently and loving in separate ways. It may sound cheating, but also in loving someone, we have to forget our secret love, but still only our heart knows who he loves dearly and who he loves purely.

Why does this love exist when God said that each of us has its own destined partner in our life? This love enters our lives before, during and after marriage, how playful it could be! Even we know that these are only challenges He has to give to strengthen the relationships we had and to test our loyalty to our partners. How torture it could be when this secret love affair makes us happier? Its unfaithfulness feels so right even if it is wrong. The more you control the feelings, the more it grows. Whenever you want to stop, the more it makes you go on. Irony of ironies!

But because your faith in Him is stronger, you try to forget this secret love. You let the pain come in and endure it. It may take a few months to heal those scars it has brought you but the love remains there. You just healed your heart but the heart knows that you still love that person. But in this case you have accepted that you can’t be together, so this time, you’ll love him silently. You miss him but you will never speak out. You care about him but you will act like you don’t care at all. You want to talk to him but you will forget his voice. You will live in pretenses.

But this is one great love, letting him go just proves how much you love him, that he has a life of his own. Even he is not in your arms anymore, you continue to love him, you still think of him and you still shake whenever you hear his name. But your heart knows that one knock of him will make you happy but then you never mind because you might fall for that again.
Secret love and one great love come together. Everyone has it and it’s in your hands if you will love selfishly or love silently.
Punky signing off 08/23/09 01:07AM




this says it all...i wouldn't wanna let go but i should....

Forbidden Love

I met someone few years ago
Nice, simple and sweet
Hi, hello and bye and that's it
That's how we start and end each day

When i left the place
I thought of still have a lil conversation with him
But our roads may seem to be different
And for a lil while I havent seen any shadow of him

But life may be playful
I didnt have my luck so i went back
I forgot about him already
But with a simple hi, our paths have crossed again

Everything just had its connection for our way to meet again
And without us knowing
We look forward each day of doing the simple routine of hi, hello and bye
But it was never spoken out that we look forward to it
We're just letting things happen

Days, months have passed by and we haven't noticed that we're beginning to fall
It was one afternoon that we got to burn the phone lines
It was a different conversation this time
Every word has its meaning and every second is counting same with my heartbeat and with every smile I have in my face

And one day, it was just like a dream
I personally can't believe we're in each others arms
I could do anything i want with him
Both of us couldn't believe it was real...

What we had was a precious memory....
A moment both of us wouldn't forget
Both of us wished it will never end
But sadly it does....

And now, I just wish he will never forget me
I wish he will continue loving me silently if what we have is really not meant to be
But i just hope and pray that if things like this have a chance
HE will guide us the way to cross each others road again... and this time, things are right and precious memory will be forever.

a poem that made me hold on

Tears may fall
But I will not cry
I may be miserable
But I'll act like fine

ALthou it hurts
I will not let it show
I still want you
But no one will ever know

I may think of you
But never say your name
Eventhou I'm sad
I will act like nothing's changed

I miss you so much
But you will never know
I want to have conversation
But i will never call

I write the words down
But not say them out loud
There's so much inside me
But I won't let it out

Im dying to have you back
But I will not dare to try
My heart is broken
But I can't still say goodbye

Quandary

Saturday, July 18, 2009
Quandary
Quandary (dilemma) is my twin sister as I go along with my life. From the day I came into my senses and until now that I’m fighting for my existence. Believing there are good reasons for all these commotions of life enthuse me to broaden what I know about living life. Reluctantly I was appreciating the people who caused me this soreness but as I grow up and learn things I ought to know, gradually I identify the people and things related to it and craft each one a suitable account to justify their involvement to the case. But even how humongous they have participated in this, with the same bloodstream that runs within us, it just heals the scars in my heart and welcome each of them by providing a room for them in my heart. I’m not bad after all.

---unfinished blog------

The Sacrament Of Waiting

The Sacrament of Waiting
by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love-- needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life of love if we are too impatient to wait for it?