Sunday, September 6, 2009

my man





It was Lenten season when I realized that I’m falling for the man who was courting me and giving me such attention for quite some time. It felt dissimilar to the previous ones. At first it was surreal and then finally at Easter Sunday he asked me that question most girls would want to hear, as ordinary as it could be it was just simple, he held me and said, I love you…. He stands still and waited for my answer, but in a while I didn’t say a single word and he spoke again, do u love me too? I looked into his eyes, and in the top of my heartbeat I said, yes, I love you too…. He hugged me tight like he wouldn’t wanna let me go. He kissed me the sweetest one he could give. We could feel our heart’s sincerity of saying our true feelings for each other. It was April 16 of 2006, the happiest day so far in my life. After two weeks of being together, he had to go. It was my first time to go with him in the airport for his departure. It seemed like He took off my two legs, it was the longest nights of my life that I cry to sleep, I drink everyday to be drunk and avoid feeling the pain of missing him every night. It was the longest days I had in my entire life. He kept calling the first months he’s away to lessen my sadness, and everyday he writes me a letter through my email. Gradually I’m learning to get to my own without him. He never failed to give me advice and food for thoughts for me to hang on, live life and succeed to it, and he never failed to remind me how much he misses me everyday and how much he loves me more and more each day. Without noticing, days flew fast. And one day he surprised me a phone call saying he will be going home soon, he gave me the time and date of his flight back home, knowing it, it was the same waiting, long time waiting. Every hour, I look at my clock and every minute makes me more exited. And when its time to meet again, I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me again. The man I dream of seeing everyday, of being with everyday, the man I wanted to kiss everyday and the man I would wanna say I love you each moment I’m with him is right in front of me again. Initial reaction? Shocked! And then I came to my senses hugged him and kissed him but still feeling in cloud 9! I could remember how many times I stared at his face and touch it, whispering…. I’ve been waiting for you and I’m glad you are finally here! All day, all night, we spend the day updating on each other. In all problems, we’re there for each other. Of course lovers quarrel takes at the scene but every trial just makes us stronger. It was our first year of being together.
Then the routine of him leaving just takes place. Emails, calls etc. But it seems every relationship has its own rocky road to take. But even challenges come our way we never did lose our respect for each other; hence, we chose to take it silently. But eventually up to the third year of our relationship, we haven’t noticed that our love is getting weak already because we don’t speak out sometimes, with the aim of not hurting each others feelings what we built is a wall that makes me hate him in some ways and maybe him too. I came to the point where I spoke to him about all the hurts I’ve been through with our relationship and I asked him repeatedly why we ended this way. The way both of us wouldn’t wanna happen. I told him everything my heart wants to express. This time he understood me and he agreed to my proposal that we give each other space and distance for awhile. But maybe because we still feel the love for each other, we didn’t stop seeing each other and still do the things we used to do. We agreed on an open relationship when he leave but before he left I could remember how he sang to my ears his song for me, “Lover’s Moon” and how he said I love you…. And until now I could feel our last kiss.
Now, I don’t know what our status is. We still care about each other, he still calls, he still sends me letters but it’s not that often. Just enough letters and calls to let me know that he’s still there.
This is our story and I hope it doesn’t end here. I’m still here waiting for his come back. Even other temptation come around, I know in my heart that there is only one person I love. My One Great Love, My Pa….
Looking forward for December or January, he’s coming home again. I hope and pray we could fix what was broken and we could revive our love for each other. ---punky signing off –13:27H 090609

i love the way that you love me is our original theme song.........

if i have three wishes, it would be ME, YOU AND US.....




Secret Love
One thought said that everyone has a secret love. It may be synonymous to one great love because this love always ends up with sacrifice. Only a number of secret loves comes to a happily ever after ending and mostly this love, because of the sacrifice it has to give, it ends up with loving apart, loving silently and loving in separate ways. It may sound cheating, but also in loving someone, we have to forget our secret love, but still only our heart knows who he loves dearly and who he loves purely.

Why does this love exist when God said that each of us has its own destined partner in our life? This love enters our lives before, during and after marriage, how playful it could be! Even we know that these are only challenges He has to give to strengthen the relationships we had and to test our loyalty to our partners. How torture it could be when this secret love affair makes us happier? Its unfaithfulness feels so right even if it is wrong. The more you control the feelings, the more it grows. Whenever you want to stop, the more it makes you go on. Irony of ironies!

But because your faith in Him is stronger, you try to forget this secret love. You let the pain come in and endure it. It may take a few months to heal those scars it has brought you but the love remains there. You just healed your heart but the heart knows that you still love that person. But in this case you have accepted that you can’t be together, so this time, you’ll love him silently. You miss him but you will never speak out. You care about him but you will act like you don’t care at all. You want to talk to him but you will forget his voice. You will live in pretenses.

But this is one great love, letting him go just proves how much you love him, that he has a life of his own. Even he is not in your arms anymore, you continue to love him, you still think of him and you still shake whenever you hear his name. But your heart knows that one knock of him will make you happy but then you never mind because you might fall for that again.
Secret love and one great love come together. Everyone has it and it’s in your hands if you will love selfishly or love silently.
Punky signing off 08/23/09 01:07AM




this says it all...i wouldn't wanna let go but i should....

Forbidden Love





I met someone few years ago
Nice, simple and sweet
Hi, hello and bye and that's it
That's how we start and end each day

When i left the place
I thought of still have a lil conversation with him
But our roads may seem to be different
And for a lil while I havent seen any shadow of him

But life may be playful
I didnt have my luck so i went back
I forgot about him already
But with a simple hi, our paths have crossed again

Everything just had its connection for our way to meet again
And without us knowing
We look forward each day of doing the simple routine of hi, hello and bye
But it was never spoken out that we look forward to it
We're just letting things happen

Days, months have passed by and we haven't noticed that we're beginning to fall
It was one afternoon that we got to burn the phone lines
It was a different conversation this time
Every word has its meaning and every second is counting same with my heartbeat and with every smile I have in my face

And one day, it was just like a dream
I personally can't believe we're in each others arms
I could do anything i want with him
Both of us couldn't believe it was real...

What we had was a precious memory....
A moment both of us wouldn't forget
Both of us wished it will never end
But sadly it does....

And now, I just wish he will never forget me
I wish he will continue loving me silently if what we have is really not meant to be
But i just hope and pray that if things like this have a chance
HE will guide us the way to cross each others road again... and this time, things are right and precious memory will be forever.

a poem that made me hold on




Tears may fall
But I will not cry
I may be miserable
But I'll act like fine

ALthou it hurts
I will not let it show
I still want you
But no one will ever know

I may think of you
But never say your name
Eventhou I'm sad
I will act like nothing's changed

I miss you so much
But you will never know
I want to have conversation
But i will never call

I write the words down
But not say them out loud
There's so much inside me
But I won't let it out

Im dying to have you back
But I will not dare to try
My heart is broken
But I can't still say goodbye

Quandary

Saturday, July 18, 2009
Quandary
Quandary (dilemma) is my twin sister as I go along with my life. From the day I came into my senses and until now that I’m fighting for my existence. Believing there are good reasons for all these commotions of life enthuse me to broaden what I know about living life. Reluctantly I was appreciating the people who caused me this soreness but as I grow up and learn things I ought to know, gradually I identify the people and things related to it and craft each one a suitable account to justify their involvement to the case. But even how humongous they have participated in this, with the same bloodstream that runs within us, it just heals the scars in my heart and welcome each of them by providing a room for them in my heart. I’m not bad after all.

---unfinished blog------