Forbidden Love

I met someone few years ago
Nice, simple and sweet
Hi, hello and bye and that's it
That's how we start and end each day

When i left the place
I thought of still have a lil conversation with him
But our roads may seem to be different
And for a lil while I havent seen any shadow of him

But life may be playful
I didnt have my luck so i went back
I forgot about him already
But with a simple hi, our paths have crossed again

Everything just had its connection for our way to meet again
And without us knowing
We look forward each day of doing the simple routine of hi, hello and bye
But it was never spoken out that we look forward to it
We're just letting things happen

Days, months have passed by and we haven't noticed that we're beginning to fall
It was one afternoon that we got to burn the phone lines
It was a different conversation this time
Every word has its meaning and every second is counting same with my heartbeat and with every smile I have in my face

And one day, it was just like a dream
I personally can't believe we're in each others arms
I could do anything i want with him
Both of us couldn't believe it was real...

What we had was a precious memory....
A moment both of us wouldn't forget
Both of us wished it will never end
But sadly it does....

And now, I just wish he will never forget me
I wish he will continue loving me silently if what we have is really not meant to be
But i just hope and pray that if things like this have a chance
HE will guide us the way to cross each others road again... and this time, things are right and precious memory will be forever.

a poem that made me hold on

Tears may fall
But I will not cry
I may be miserable
But I'll act like fine

ALthou it hurts
I will not let it show
I still want you
But no one will ever know

I may think of you
But never say your name
Eventhou I'm sad
I will act like nothing's changed

I miss you so much
But you will never know
I want to have conversation
But i will never call

I write the words down
But not say them out loud
There's so much inside me
But I won't let it out

Im dying to have you back
But I will not dare to try
My heart is broken
But I can't still say goodbye

Quandary

Saturday, July 18, 2009
Quandary
Quandary (dilemma) is my twin sister as I go along with my life. From the day I came into my senses and until now that I’m fighting for my existence. Believing there are good reasons for all these commotions of life enthuse me to broaden what I know about living life. Reluctantly I was appreciating the people who caused me this soreness but as I grow up and learn things I ought to know, gradually I identify the people and things related to it and craft each one a suitable account to justify their involvement to the case. But even how humongous they have participated in this, with the same bloodstream that runs within us, it just heals the scars in my heart and welcome each of them by providing a room for them in my heart. I’m not bad after all.

---unfinished blog------

The Sacrament Of Waiting

The Sacrament of Waiting
by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love-- needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life of love if we are too impatient to wait for it?